As we began this site of resources and the blog that sort of naturally spilled out of it… I jumped into the middle of blogging feelings, accommodations, and symptoms of life with an Invisible Illness… with hopes of capturing YOU where YOU are at. The mission was and still is… to boldly share the secret life I feel I have been living so that you, too, can break out of your shell and, with me, come to some sort of compromise of acceptance.
You need to know that this isn’t like me. A co-worker once told me that I was known as “the vault” among my colleagues. Which, in my line of work, was not a bad thing. But she was right in more ways than just the professional end of things… I’ve always had trouble sharing my true feelings. I grew up in a wonderful, kind and loving family with only one little dysfunction… alcoholism. Although I think it is pretty impossible to have a ‘normal’ family without any sort of dysfunction… this particular dysfunction quickly taught me how to cope – quietly covering up adversity while at the same time putting my life on cruise control no matter what was going on underneath. In addition to learning those life skills, I came from ‘good German and Norwegian stock’… aka… unswerving perseverance (I mean really, how did our ancestors live in sod huts and survive North Dakota winters? Seriously!).
So this website… blog… Facebook … this sharing-yourself-world is sort of new to me, and kind of scary. For example, when I got my Facebook account, I set it up with a fake birthday – thinking I’m helping to protect myself from being too revealing. Well, I just got 80+ birthday wishes for my fake FB birthday… a few of them in person… very embarrassing. Somehow I didn’t see that coming!
“For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God.” 2 Corinthians 4:15
So this new and uncharted territory – makes me very surprised that any of this tripping UP the DOWN escalator endeavor is even happening. But The Lord doesn’t ask us to do what is comfortable for us… just ask Moses, Jonah, Paul, and a few others! I believe the Lord has asked me to be as raw as I can on this website, not just for me… but for others. When you read my story… know that the desire is that it will inspire your story… to be real… to let you feel… to help you conquer… to not give in… and to help you heal.
I have been asked to share my story… FROM THE TOP. Many of you reading this have been a part of that narrative… and yet you still ask. Which is strange, but not as strange as the fact that it is my story and there are times when I still ask … what just happened? Remember stories of olden days when someone would literally stop the clocks in their home when a family member died? Well, this injury has made me long for all clocks to stop. Not that I have died, but a part of me did in 2011. And, for the past 6 years, somewhere deep within me, I have been waiting for time to stop… so I could figure out what just happened.
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,” 2 Corinthians 3:5
Over the next 2 or possibly 200 blogs, I will walk you through my story. Hold on for me, please. Be patient. I don’t know what all I will reveal. I am not showing up for this task all polished and prepared. Hebrews 13:20-21 is often summarized like this: the Lord does not call the equipped but equips the called. Please pray that He equips my pen as the words pour out and pray for your heart as it receives them. I pray that God will be glorified.