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a gray day is okay

 

gray day is ok

Photo:  macaroni.and.drake@instagram

Is it? Is it okay to just accept the gray day? I think so. I think, yes…it is OK to just plain feel… whatever…even if it feels like it’s the end of the world. Since my head injury, sometimes I just forget to feel and be sad. Instead I drag it out as this, well, half-hearted happiness.  But I believe the key to this disguised treasure is in my perspective. In this photo, my daughter rushed inside the house and had to show me this “AWESOME” picture she took!  To me, it was just one of a hundred or so pictures she’d taken that day, but she persistently begged me to look at it. I was having an overwhelming brain day – spinning – anti-productive – nauseated- …seriously…what could be that awesome?  Yet she had to show me….

..This picture, of a gray, gloomy, April day when all us northerners dream of a spring that no longer seems possible!  Yes…that’s the picture she was telling me was beautiful!?  “Mama, look at the colors. The fog, how it takes over the trees and our lane. The snow, how it imitates the color of the sky. Look at the color of my sweatshirt and my nails against the other neutral colors….”  Her list went on, and on and on.  And then, I saw it!  This day had a beauty only she could see. I didn’t know it, but I needed her to bring life to this day, to light (or life) for me… and she did!

The Lord says that He will never leave us nor forsake us. In my daughter’s photo He intricately crafted the beauty of His nature and showed me what was beyond my initial understanding – that He will meet us anywhere we call on Him. He took the obvious gloom of a cold April day in Minnesota and moved me beyond and ABOVE it. Now I was able to see the gray through His eyes. There is beauty there, because He created it. He showed me the beauty of gray – the beauty to be found in my every-day life of just trying to make it sanely to tomorrow.

Is your situation gloomy today?  You’ve taken another step forward and moved two steps back on an escalator moving the wrong way, possibly? Your circumstances haven’t changed – it’s the same old street on another dreary April day. But would you do this? Would you challenge yourself to find beauty in yet another cold, gray day? It’s His April. Gray is a color that He created. There must be some light there. Some life.

As you lie in your bed, feeling the same old pain…

As you get a call from your doctor, hearing the same old news…

As you try to make yourself a meal, and struggle with the same old confusion…

I CHALLENGE YOU!

…what is the hidden beauty that is waiting for you to discover it?  Find it… Write it… Post it on your mirror… Leave a note to yourself in your kitchen about the blessings there…. Walk outside and breathe… what blessings are you inhaling?  Come back inside… do you have warmth?  That’s a blessing.  Can you feel the warmth?  That’s a blessing.  Can you see your room, your chair, your couch?  That’s a blessing.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think… to him be glory… throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”    Ephesians 3:20-21

Tell the world your blessings…. and we, too, will be blessed.  Please add just ONE blessing you found today in the comment link below…

*This document is the sole property of L. Marie Drake © 2017.  Permission granted for printing copies of this page on the basis they are not used for personal profit or any financial gain. Thank you.*
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caught between a rock & a hard place

In French they express this thought by stating “entre deux chaises” (between two chairs).  I picture it a bit like when you start sitting down and someone else does the same… aiming for the same chair… the adult version of a kid’s cake walk!?  With your bum balanced in mid-air, where do you go now?

But that is just how I feel when I waiver between self-pity and mounds of guilt.  If I’m having a ‘confusing day’…meaning nothing really feels right;  tastes right;  looks right;  is done right;  etc… everything I attempt that day, I cannot accomplish… but I still think I can, or should (see Calendar Credit for quick relief Image result for emoji faces ).  

With that old-me-drive pushing forward, even after 6+ years of a traumatic brain injury under my belt, I still attempt to go about life as it were the 44 years before this silly little concussion changed my life…

For example… in a feeble attempt of wandering out of my bedroom, hoping for an easy lunch, I try to clean up the kitchen from breakfast.  I put a few dishes in the dishwasher, put the salt & pepper away and then I come across a paper someone laid on the counter yesterday.  Ooops!  That’s the trigger and I’m off…  hmmm… what should I do about that paper?  It has someone’s  number on it that I have been needing to call.  But, I can’t really talk right now because I am cleaning the kitchen and my head isn’t really clear and if I talk to that person it might involve making some decisions… oooh and the pressure of just thinking about that makes me a little dizzy and queasy.  I’ll call my husband and see what he thinks I should do.  No, then I will need to explain all my emotions with the back-story and he’s at work so… yeah… and that just makes me exhausted thinking about trying to explain this silly little decision.  

……… Oh, I’m so tired ….. I should just go lie down when I feel like this.  Right.  I’m going to lie down… but I’ll be more relaxed if I go potty first.  Yes… potty then bed.  Coming out of the bathroom … dang … I see the kitchen is still a mess and I’m hungrier than ever because… oh yeah… that’s why I was cleaning the kitchen so that I would have a clean counter top to make my lunch on!  Right!  So what do I do with this piece of paper?  If I put it away, I will probably lose it and then I won’t ever call that person back.  Oh, a kid just came through the kitchen, she’s hungry too.

AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Image result for emoji faces

So at this point, advice from my TBI brain experts, directs me to give myself a break and just say, “It’s a bad brain day.  Roll with it.  Let go.”  But how do I even get to that break??  Strangely, I cannot get to my bed… which isn’t far away in our little 1,000 sq ft house!  Yet I’m in that dream…. the one where you are running but your legs won’t move.  And… do I really want to give in to this injury?  NO!  I will keep running UP the DOWN escalator… I’ll get there.  I will.  But should I decide that I need to give up??? …well that is much like fingernails on a chalkboard to me.  It makes me feel like I am giving into the injury with self-pity sneaking a peek at me from around one corner and the old-me peering from the opposite corner, silently yelling, “You can do this…it’s easy stuff.  You just did it yesterday and you were fine!”  

So which chair do I sit on?  Ooops that’s another decision… with now loaded and squandered emotions…   

I can’t move…

STOP!  Just STOP!  Get off the escalator.  And think on this…  and this alone…

“This IS the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”  Psalm 118:24

That’s it. Even though it seems all messy.  He made this day too…like all others.  If I stop, rejoice in what is here, let go, give gratitude… this day will pass. Tomorrow will be new.  And HE has me in the palm of His hand.  Yes, that’s my solace… there’s really just one chair to sit on.  The one He has for me.

*This document is the sole property of L. Marie Drake © 2017.  Permission granted for printing copies of this page on the basis they are not used for personal profit or any financial gain. Thank you.*